Log in

I was actually going to write this post during New Year’s Eve, since my last post was during NYE too, but there’s too much on my mind and no time or space or introspection. I haven’t written anything non-essay related in what feels like a year. The internet feels like it’s playing tricks on me.

This was an incredibly emotional post I've writtenCollapse )
31 December 2014 @ 10:56 pm
Despite my desire to keep a record of my life for future perusal. Nothing is new anymore-- the magic has gone out, it seems. Things rarely excite me, and when they do, I always hold the possibility of disappointment within arm's reach. But since it's NYE, and 10:22PM on the last day of 2014, my birthday, and since I am sitting at my computer instead of getting drunk at a NYE party, I thought I might as well write an entry on thoughts/reflections/hopes/desires.

I just turned 20 today and I can hear the fireworks outside. Dear future self; I am content, but anxiety still occasionally catches up on me.Collapse )
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: innocent eyes - delta goodrem
16 December 2014 @ 05:05 pm
But then again i used to think sydney was oh so safe.

There's the subconscious "it could have been easily me trapped in there." I was having coffee with a friend just a few blocks away from the lindt cafe when we both got texts telling us to GTFO of Sydney CBD. Spent the rest of the day at my friend's apartment in Redfern, eyes just glued to the news. Watching the terrified employees run out of that cafe was so so so strange -- it was just a summer job for them, one of employees studies at my university. I know there's survivors guilt, but there's something psychologically disturbing about the proximity to which this has happened. How many of them were also meeting up with friends? Getting their morning coffee before work?

Then there are the racial attacks on people in Sydney. A week ago a young asian woman was beaten up by two or three pacific islanders for race related reasons in Town Hall station -- a place I frequent. Violence exists for non-race related reasons too, of course. I feel like every other week there's testimony regarding some poor bloke who got beaten up for no reason at all-- simply at the wrong place at the wrong time.

So much hate.

I never really felt like I had to be vigilant in this city. It was metropolitan and diverse, yes, but people are super friendly and I never felt threatened. I've resolved to get back into martial arts for the self defense-- and stick to it. Guns aren't the answer. They never were the answer.
Current Mood: draineddrained
02 November 2014 @ 08:52 pm
i'm developing a fondness for BLT sandwhiches.Collapse )
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Not in Love - Crystal Castles ft. Robert Smith
20 October 2014 @ 12:34 pm
of the moutain swallow the skyCollapse )
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: it will follow the rain - the tallest man on earth
16 October 2014 @ 11:27 pm
In space we're here a million miles awayCollapse )
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: The moon song - Karen O and Ezra Koenig
11 October 2014 @ 03:45 pm
stay in wonderland instead -- with my zombies and fantasiesCollapse )
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Wonderland - Little People, ft. January Thompson
03 October 2014 @ 12:44 pm
I have something to say for once...Collapse )
Current Mood: curiouscurious
I know a secret place where rocks seeps into the seaCollapse )
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: Blue Motorbike - Motoboy
16 September 2014 @ 01:39 pm
Current Music: I follow rivers - Lykke Li